Jun 14 2008

Are You Shy or Just Lonely?

Amen! Being shy was a barrier, a wall that left me unsure and insecure. But as you said, there was that all encompassing fear... My solution was indeed, to embrace some of those fears and face them head on. Pick your battlefield people! Face the fear. Lick your wounds when you have to and charge back our for the glory! You never know if that person you meet is as shy as you.

My fear was always showing up at school naked or in my underwear because I forgot to get dressed. At least it happened in a few dreams way back then, lol

hmmm.. I don't think that I am shy..lazy perhaps? a little bit? or tech savvy?? I say that because just like in the article, I find it easier to search for people that have common interests as I do and we can bond over our morbid fears of Roaches and Black Beans? - I definately would not walk up to a guy and say.."hey! guess what dude! I hate black beans!" - hmmm.. maybe I need to try that..sounded kinda nice..lol! The lonely factor comes in (for me) because I am the single girl at work so when we have company events the social committee always asks "so who are you bringing this time" or at Weddings/other events.. its always "my name +1) so it begins to sink in that I am "that" girl and I wonder what it would be like to have my name and a regular steady name next to all these events lol! P/S 8 of my friends are getting married this summer..yeah..don't get started on that! lol! But whatever..if all else fails I will wait for some mad scientist to build a sexy robot for me!

hello are you realy lonely if you are i am looking for a woman who wish to have a relationship. i am 62 and love to play pool but i teach kung_fu meditation but any way i would like to meet some one like you and hope that i could be in your life. but would like to have you in my life but i would take you for who you are i don't care if you are rich or por i would will still take you for my girl friend

ONE PHRASE, "LONELY IS AS LONELY DOES"

Great article. Most of us are on this site for a reason and that is to find true love and our soul mate. It is easier to communicate online or the phone to a stranger at first. Someone had made a comment about woman not responding to flirts and messages. It is the same with the men. We are all adults why can't we act like it. If your not interested in the person then be honest and let them know. I believe that it is more of a disappointment when people don't respond at all. I don't believe it is a matter of being lonely or shy. I think that it is a matter of who we believe that we can trust and who is being honest.

I'm lonely because I am shy. It's quite possible that maybe I'm hiding behind this shy persona: I'm just too lazy to get out there and meet people or may be I fear that people may find my tastes a bit odd. Honestly, I really don't know. It could be a combination of things. I could be a shy extrovert, is that even possible? It's alot easier to stay in one's comfort zone than to face one's fears. If you no longer want to stay in your current position or not happy with it, make the change. Even if you're taking baby steps, you're doing your life a great service. I am not trying to be a hypocrite, I am trying to follow my own advice.

Fore me it as shyness and fear of rejection. I find doing the online thing eliminates a lot of the shyness that I have. Being White and looking for Black females makes it even more difficult.

well, I hate to bust all the bubbles here, cause I'm really not that kind of guy, but shyness has more to do with being inwardly conscious to a point of self-centeredness. Think about it. The whole world revolves around communication. Sure, we look at someone who says or does something quirky and we might make a snap judgement that may not be fair, but do we really think that we're that important and that what we do has such an impact on others that it lasts with them for a lifetime. Sure, I guess if you rob or kill them, but other than that, what's to fear. There are millions of people out there that you can say hi to and they may or may not respond positively, and you know what, it doesn't matter. Your self worth won't be damaged by one off comment from a person that wasn't kind enough to be proper or friendly. I gotta say it, not because I am better than anyone else, but you know, people respond to friendly, positive and creative people who are willing to put themselves out there and risk their egos to make and/or keep friends. I have had no problems on this site. In fact, in the course of three days I have had about five emails, all from wonderful people that I'm interested in, one in specific that I think is beyond amazing. I don't think the issue on this site has anything to do with shyness. I think that people have to rethink the way they approach profile writing and their take on things. Don't tell people what you are. Write things that express what you like without directly saying it. But enough of that, the most important thing about shyness to understand is that we are all small specks on the cosmic window. Nothing we do or say will matter in two thousand years unless one of us on here conquers the world. So go out and be courageous enough to be friendly. The people who respond in kind are worthwhile and the people who don't will forget you in a minute. And shouldn't that be okay? I, personally, don't want unkind people to remember me and I certainly don't care about their opinions. Food for thought.

i am a man of few words,but i must say how true, would you like to step outside with me?just kidding, very good

I think I am a combination of shy and lonely, sometimes but not always. This site helps me with the former a bit. I can send a note to someone whom I think is sweet, without having to dare to approach them in a public forum. I guess that makes rejection easier to swallow if it comes (AfRom has such a lovely way of letting us down when a our interest in someone is not mutual). Loneliness is a different breed of cat. I think the only way for me to overcome loneliness is to go out and confront my shyness. I have to put myself out there in order to develop friendships, the only antidote to loneliness I know. Letting people in to my life, in the real world, is my solution to loneliness and as a welcome side effect, shyness as well.