Nov 25 2006

Can you measure True Love in Miles?

When you can't be with the one you love...is it okay to "love the one you're with"?

If you ask around, you'd probably be hard pressed to find someone that has not been involved in a long distance relationship. Whether it was in college or the military, business related or an on-line meeting, we've all been away from a loved-one at some point in time. How we handled that time away may have been the determining factor in the success of that relationship.

Do you think that it's easier to have a long distance relationship if it starts off that way? I mean, if you meet someone on line (this site of course), and you already know going into it that you are separated by a lot of miles and maybe even a different time zone, does that make the distance any less?

From personal experience (about 50% of my relationships have been long distance). I've found that the ones that started that way were built on a solid foundation. The distance allowed us to spend the time talking and listening (not so much touching and feeling). I equate it to the difference between reading the book or watching the movie.

The issue of trust is still the same no matter where two people are located. The truth is people are going to be who they are. If they are going to cheat, it doesn't matter if you're in the same room or the same country...they will find a way to make that happen. For some there is an understanding between them that allows the other to have physical relationships with others.

I've had a partner once tell me "it's okay to give up the booty...just don't give away your heart". Easy for him to say...knowing that I've always been one to enter a room and a relationship the same way, head and heart first, booty last!

However, I've always admired people that have been able to separate the two...Love and sex. It's not just men that enjoy a quick (or not so quick), romp around a room (bed optional), with another consenting adult that they may or may not have to buy or cook a meal for or ever see again.

I'm not sure why I admired them or if its admiration at all. Kind of like when a woman cuts off a man's penis or a guy goes postal on his boss. Even though you could never do it yourself, you can certainly understand the emotion and reason why others do.

Again, it comes down to personal preference. It's important in any and all relationships that both parties are totally upfront and honest about what their expectations and desires are. You may be surprised how many women are actually okay with the idea of an open relationship. My problem has never been that a guy chose to sleep with another woman outside of our "monogamous" relationship. It was that he didn't allow me to have the same choice.

The saying is "all is fair in love and war". In order to be fair, both sides must have equal access to the same information. They must be given the opportunity to make choices that are true to their intent and heart. Imagine, if we were all able to be who we really are with others that do the same...think it would have any impact on the longevity of our relationships?

This is Leticia...if you can't be with the one you love; love yourself!

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