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Sep 15 2008
Stay with your Own Kind
Comments
20th of Sep, 2008
so-so. A couple of typos but.
Daters STAY with Daters and mateRS STAY WITH mateRS???That is a sputid statement. Don/t like being rude. It makes no sense to me?
21st of Sep, 2008
where is my date
23rd of Sep, 2008
Never thought about it like that. I have definately been going out with daters and I am a mater. Need to stop wasting my time. Often they just want to have sex. I'm not going out for that so I always end up saying what a waste of time.
Thanks for the article.
25th of Sep, 2008
I was married 23 years to my Beloved. He died 5 years ago. I started dating two years ago.
I really started listening to what men say about themselves and women. Plus, I enjoyed being wined and dined again.
Women, we need to learn to listen. Men tell us who they are and what they want, once we stop talking. Remember, they listen to us, observe what we say and act accordingly.
We sometimes talk too much and emote too much. Learn to listen, pay attention to our "masculine" side.
I met and mated with two partners. Beautiful men from whom I learned, again, that men make great friends, daters and maters. We did not stay together because neither wanted a long term commitment with me. That doesn't negate the fact that they were right for me at that particular time. We remain friends because that was our base and our friendship bond deepened when we were no longer lovers.
Relationships have many stages. All we can do is be Present to ourselves and others. Communicate at every stage of the relationship where you are individually and together.
If you communicate honestly your thoughts, words and actions will reveal who you are to your partner.
Listen compassionately. You will know whether you are alone or together.
Most of all, I am learning how to have a great relationship with myself and to share that process with whomever I encounter so we can learn and growth together for our mutual benefit.
26th of Sep, 2008
I've been a widow for nearly 4 years and have only begun to date this past year.
I'm not sure if I want to have a long term relationship yet, but I agree with Namaste2008 about us women being better listeners as to when a man speaks......
I suppose that's why the good Lord gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. We need to hear what's being said rather than what we want to say.
Hopefully when that "perfect" person for us comes along...we'll recognize him as "the one".
28th of Sep, 2008
What this means to me is that people are varied and learning to live with that variety is the key (to me at least).
29th of Sep, 2008
not sure what this means exacily;are you implying that people should stay in there own race?I think this storyline indicates that people should be more committed to each other,whether,purpose or passion.p.s. back to staying with your own,sounds better everyday to me,because it's the female that has to bare and live with kids!!
1st of Oct, 2008
After reading the article, I definitely put myself in the MATEr category, but I really want to become a DATEr. I've been taking a break from dating for a little while now, and found that I've learned a lot about myself and what I really want in life. The self imposed exile was great, but I think I'm ready to meet someone....or a whole lot of someones!
13th of Oct, 2008
I could not agree with you MORE!! It boils down to that saying, "when you settle for less than you deserve, you get exactly what you settled for". (Thank you, Oprah) Know who you are, what you want, what you will not tollerate or settle for. Explaining up front that you are a "dater" or a "mater" saves a great deal of time in the long run. Here's the kicker though, some people want you to be what they want you to be. Know YOU! And the rest should fall into place. If it doesn't then someone was lying to their self first & you second...
14th of Oct, 2008
The article does have a lot of merit. I have always known that I am a MATEr and that's probably why I have been on very few dates and even fewer repeat dates. When you realize the man is not on the same track as you (SUDDENLY not interested in being in a relationship), I know there is no point wasting my time. If we get along, have a good time and can be friends then that is great. I always like having good friends. I am like you in that I can call a friend and say lets go see that movie and grab dinner, hang out, etc. I truly am at a place in my life where I am not interested in wasting my time or anyone elses. I know what I want and will not settle.
25th of Oct, 2008
In reading this article, I must agree, there are DATErs & MATErs. I have to say if I had to think of which catagory I fell into, I would state I am a MATEr. With that said, I am looking then for another who is also a MATEr who finds me just as interesting as I will them. The dating scene today is not for me, I hate the game playing and the "Interview Process" involved when getting to someone. I just want to find someone who I click with.
Serious relationship...or MATE-R, however you want to put it ...that's Me :)
27th of Oct, 2008
i think i wasn't sure where i belong but from this article, i may call myself a dater...
Good luck everyone in knowing your status
12th of Nov, 2008
This article was extremely on point. There are several questions and pints that the article points out. If you are a "mater" (myself) why invest time, energy, and money in someone who just wants to have a "good time," a "dater?"
Unfortunately, the tragedy exist when deceptive and manipulative people verbalize that they desire a monogamous serious relationship that could/ or will possibly lead to a permanent relationship (marriage), BUT that is not want they really want! In other words, manipulation by "daters" with persons who are "maters" is all too common. An unempathetic attitude, emotional abuse and neglect is of no consequence to these individuals. They are like a buyer at a car dealership..."I like this one...I'll take it for a test drive...I'm tired of it already let me move on to the next one." They treat the opposite sex like tissue paper. Use and throw it away.
My suggestion involves first knowing who you are. Second, research the person as throughly and objectively as possible. Third, don't make excuses for the other's shortcomings, flaws, or inadequancies. Finally, never compromise what you want.
Just remember...what out for the "wolves in sheep's clothing!" There are plenty of them out there. To all my fellow "maters", Pray and good luck! :)
9th of Dec, 2008
Weellll...I used to consider myself a "mater", but this relationship I'm in now makes me think of myself as a "dater". Yes, the question of 'Would this guy make a great husband?' does cross my mind, but it's not as bad as before. I'm not really stressing the idea. Early on in the relationship it bugged me that we weren't having common interests, but we got along otherwise. That's all that matters, right? Well, I battled with that idea for a few months, then I thought of the movie "Something New." This guy that I'm with now is the first black guy I've ever been with, although I'm black myself. I took the catch phrase from that movie and applied it to my present relationship, "Let Go, Let Flow." It's helping a lot. I realized that I'm only 18. I should expand my bounderies, get out of my "husband checklist" mentality and have fun.
28th of Jun, 2009
Looking at my history, I'm glad to realize that I am a mater rather than a dater. I'm not a serial monogamist but, after I sowed my wild oats, I have been in long-term relationships and that is what I continue to seek.
When I go out on a date, I am on a quest to find out more about my date in order to see if we would be compatible for something more than just a second date.
so-so. A couple of typos but. Daters STAY with Daters and mateRS STAY WITH mateRS???That is a sputid statement. Don/t like being rude. It makes no sense to me?