Nov 01 2008

Fear of Intimacy and other things that Keep us awake at night!

we , as per advise of a far-away internet friend . Planted a tree at the gate of life to tell all our problems to upon entry , in the morning those problems have gone away . In order to start yet another Happy day . Love Les

yes in certain circles fear can be there but thats why you have a better half.What i dissagree with is that loneliness of the marriage can be more felt than that of a widow/er..guys you have lived with someone for that long and at a snap of a finger s/he is no more...i have been there trust me..you cannot describe it..

This is basically what is termed an empty shell marriage. Maybe it is not a fear of intimancy but a lack of interest.

Hello, I must comment on Beckylyn's post. Very insightful! I think 'to know and be known' is even more important than 'to love and be loved.' The reason, I believe, goes to the issue being discussed here. Until and if one has done the work to really KNOW oneself (warts & all), there's no way one can expect another to do so. And, if both people in a relationship haven't dug deep enough to 'get this,' lonliness or some other form of a vacuuous, shallow energy will prevail. Here's the best definition of intimacy I've ever heard: Into me I see. Most folks don't have an intimate relationship with themselves, so it's impossible to create that with "other." Often, however, what passes for the 'real deal' (as I see it) is no more than two people becoming co-conspirators, which means: I'll pretend I don't see X in you, if you'll pretend you don't see X in me. It's the white elephant in the living room syndrome! :) I see this happening all the time! Here's to knowing thyself! Thanks for listening. Carolyn Creator of "Fabulous Femmes" Women Who Live Out Loud!

To have that intimacy you have to communicate with your partner then you can find a solution together.

May all have a Happy and fruitful New Year , tonight we and the Johnson Family are going on Vacation on our T.V. screen , Amen

All too often you hear from men how their woman is no longer interested in sex or even affection, but the odd thing is their solution is to cheat instead of working through the true reason behind it.

Thank you for that interesting article.It was great help for me to get the chance to listen to it too, because I am German and have to improve my English.But about the content of your opinion- I had to live a marriage without spiritual and physical intimacy and it hurt me a lot.I tried to talk with my husband about our problems but he was not interested to get to know me emotionelly.He cheated instead of working through the problems and it took me 7 years to leave him and get divorced.What a waste of life and hopes. If there is no emotionally and spiritually intimacy women do not want physical intimacy and a marriage without physical intimacy is a sad, lonely relationship.

I don't agree that "overcoming a fear of anything first begins with the understanding of the source of the fear." I think it begins with recognizing and accepting that the fear exists. For me next comes asking God to remove the fear. Even if I never understand the source, if the fear is removed, I don't care. Often the "source" is revealed as the fear is removed, but not necessarily.