Aug 15 2006

The Law of Attraction in the Game of Love

Hi! This is Dr. Leticia Wright from IDCdating.com. IDCdating.com is where we are creating multicultural relationships everyday. Today, my guest is Anisa Aven from Create a Vision.com and we are going to talk about attracting a mate. Let me tell you a little about Anisa Aven. She is a creative life coach specializing in the law of attraction and how singles can attract the mate of their dream. Anisa is the author of multiple courses and recorded audio series on how to apply the laws of creation to attract success, wealth, and happiness. She is a nationally published author of "Ask the Soul Mate Coach" column in the single magazines across the country and she is the author of the 21-day course "Navigate Your Faith, Create a Mate". Welcome Anisa.

Hello! Thanks for having me.

A lot of people don't really know about the law of attraction. So, why don't you take a minute and really explain to us what the law of attraction is.

Excellent. The law of attraction is something that whether we realized it or not we're actually operating at its mercy or at our beck and call we get to take the opportunity to learn how to apply it. But it's working in our lives whether we realize it or not. So, it's what Christians might say when Jesus said "Ask and it is given" or if you shall say that this mountain move, it shall be done and all these things and greater things you shall do. In other cultures, it's the thought process that goes like what you put your attention upon expand or get what you give in life. So, many, many cultures are already very aware of what the law of attraction is, but it's basically what we are constantly working with whether we realize it or not, and what I teach, I teach my client how to put their attention upon what they want so that they can intentionally attract and draw, and magnetize it into a life using that law of attraction.

So, we really all used the law of attraction. I guess most people just don't have heard the term or the main law of attraction.

That's right.

Okay. Now, you talk about attracting who you want and you go into depth with people about how to attract the mate. Should we be trying to attract a specific person or what should we be looking at?

It's such an incredible question. I had an article on my website that addressed this very saying and I probably have had half a dozen of them just specifically on, but I really want to attract a specific person and my advice is always, the universe God, whatever you want to call the higher power always, always, always had our best interest in mind. When we say, I really want that person in my life, what end up happening is, we end up focusing on that person as oppose to what we really want. But in a healthy relationship that person we have no idea whether or not that person can really fulfill the need and provide us with a healthy relationship we want and so my advice is, it's really not about specific person at all. No matter how crazy we may be about one particular person, it's really how that person makes us feel which we want more of that we want to focus on.

Okay.

Can that make sense?

Yes, that makes total sense. Now, what do you tell people when they come to you and they say I'm not even sure a true love is for me. There is no one out there for me or the woman that are really scared about the "man shortage."

Yes, absolutely. I believe and this is what I teach with the clients and I've seen this in action and if there were scientific measurements to prove this then I know it could be proven, it's just that our science hasn't been able to track our intention and our thought processes to the point of really being able to systematically prove this but that question, Linda itself did a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I believe that there is not anyone else out there that I'm going to be really attracted to; I'll give you an example, I have a client who I've been working with her for about six months and she is in her mid-40s, very athletic, very fit, beautiful, active, on the go, has an incredible social circle, and her experience was reflected in her belief and her belief were "No man at may age is going to be as active and fit and attractive as I feel that I want." But it has been on her limited circle of influence. Well, actually I shouldn't even say limited, but because her belief were, no one is going as fit as me, then she couldn't draw into her experience anyone who is as fit as her. So, if we have a belief that there is a shortage of men, all the good ones are taken, I'm not going to attracted to the one that are attracted to me, then that what we get back.

So, even as a fit attracted guy was standing next to her, she couldn't see him?

That's exactly right. Another belief ironically with her was she believed that if she was attracted to them they would end up being a smoker and I can't....

That's an interesting association.

A combination and I cannot tell you how many men would ask her out, she'll been like "Oh my gosh! He was so cute" and then they go out on a date or something, and then she goes "You're not going to believe this" of course I am, he smoke right? She goes "How did you know?" and then I said I keep telling you, if you will give up your attention upon that, focus on what you really want to attract and believed that that exist, believed that love exist for you. Believed that you can have a healthy, fit, attractive, athletic man in your life that also believe in health internally, so they don't smoke. You'll get that and she did it eventually release that limiting believe and she is now very happily married.

Now, is that the same as the law of detachment that you teach?

That is a really a good question. The law of detachment simply says that if you want something, you must release your attachment to it in order to have it come in to your life. The reason that the law of detachment is sort a secondary law because the law of attraction says wanting (inaudible) whereas the law of detachment is most of us will want something. We really, really, really, really, really want a relationship, but as we go along and we try online dating and let's us we get a couple of rejection and it makes us feel bad, so we bow out and said "Oh! That doesn't work." Or there are only freaks online, or whatever excuses we tell ourself to keep ourselves, our ego from getting hurt again, but then we still find a way in a living room wishing that we have someone to share our dinner with. What happens when we are too attached to what we really, really, really want is we have doubts about getting it.

Okay.

That doubt prevent us from allowing it and that's where the law detachment must come in. We must have pure believe in order to use this law of attraction consciously.

Okay, give us a little more of nuts and bolts about on how to work the law of detachment, specifically what we would do or say to ourselves?

Very good. If you ever done anything if a person...let's take the recent Olympics. If an ice skater is on the ice and she is so nervous because she doesn't want to go home without that gold. She may be the number one ranked skater in the world but if she so attached to that gold that she can't let go of it for that four minutes or whatever it is that she is on the ice, it will produced an actual nervousness, an actual energy that doesn't have anywhere to go and it can actually cause that skater to fall down; the same forth in our life. If we want something so bad that we can't let it go to where we can get in the flow and then handed over to God, handed over to the universe, we actually produced circumstances that actually inspire us to have negative experiences or to get so nervous that we fall down. So, the nuts and bolts of the law of detachment is literally find a way to make peace with what it is while maintaining a trust and a belief that all you desire is within your reach that you have the pure potentiality to actually obtained it. So, a way to do that could be through meditation, could be through prayer, could through there is a some energy techniques out there like emotional freedom technique or some of the other ones where you literally, you process your limiting belief and that's what attachment really is. Attachment is our doubts that we can't have what we want. So, our job is to let go of anything that prevent us from feeling positive and self confident, and that is how we apply the law of detachment.

Okay, you also tell people that they need to forgive to manifest something better...

Yes.

Talk about that a little bit.

I have heard other really wise folks who talk about resentment and resentment is simply a negative experience that we continue to experience over and over and over and over again and with the law of attraction, whatever we put our attention upon expands then we it draw into our life. So, whenever we hold resentment especially towards the past mate, he wasn't kind enough to me. He wasn't faithful to me. She only loves me when I had money. She only cares for me when I was giving to her. Whatever those resentments are, it literally hold us in a vibrational place where that what we attract more of and so with the act of forgiveness, we leave the past where it belongs, in the past and that resentment, it doesn't do anything to our past love. It doesn't do anything to the person that harmed us, it only continues to harm ourselves and so the act of forgiveness, the act of saying, it doesn't matter what you did or how you did it to me, it doesn't matter if it was unjustified, and it doesn't matter whether or not you deserve to be forgiven; the only thing that matters is that I choose to forgive.

So, resentment is just...that the action happened to us one time but by staying in resentment, we're just experiencing it again and again and again where it just could have been that one time and we never have to experience that again?

You got it and by living it over and over and over in our mind, we end up living it over and over and over in our relationship.

Does it make it harder to get rid of the limiting beliefs when you stayed in resentment for a while?

Oh! You know that it does because then of course what we end up attracting is someone else that doesn't buy us flowers, someone else that only likes us for our money, someone else who is very selfish and ungiving and then it of course confirms, Ah! All women are these way. Ah! All men are that way; whereas if you leave the past in the past, you practice forgiveness and you can do this through prayers, through asking for help. There is a really great program out there called radical forgiveness; again emotional freedom technique, which is a technique that I do individually with clients and in group session. It is something that you can get in there and you can release the need. There is also a self-protective mechanism that sometimes kicks in the place that says "I can't forgive or it will happened again." that actually a false belief because the more we focused on it, the more we're likely to get it again.

Okay. So, there is some people who actually believe by forgiving, they open themselves up to just having it happened all over the again...

More pain.

Where it is really they're holding onto it is doing that, not forgiving?

That's exactly right.

Okay.

That's exactly right.

Tell us some success stories of people that you worked with and some of your favorite kinds of client.

Oh! Good. Probably, most recently one of my clients was having a really, really difficult time. He was unemployed and had been for about eight months and he is engineer and so this was really a challenging time for him and he was feeling just unworthy on all levels and we worked for probably three months and we did two basic exercises that he has (inaudible) that I talked about, and something that I call a living vision, which is where you focused on what you want as if you were a habit in a very (inaudible) 30-minute process, where you really intentionally focusing what you want and really get into the emotion of it. We did that for about three months. At the end of three months, he had a new job that paid him more than he had ever been paid. He was living in the city that he wanted to live in for about 10 years. He was relocated. He had about the end of the three months when he realized; okay my life is getting better. I'm excited about moving forward. He began opening up to finding a relationship again within three weeks of that he was dating three different potential mates and living really much more of a charm, and self confident, and enjoys his life whereas it has been 18 months (inaudible). Not of all that was unemployed but 18 months and he actually felt like he is even a remotely happy person.

Okay. Now, can we use law of attraction online dating also?

Oh! Absolutely. I always encouraged my client to use the law of attraction when they are...and you realize this phenomenal incredible thing of online dating. What we get to do is, one of the things that is really easy to use the law of attraction is to simply sit down and write a list of what you want in a relationship. This list can be, I want someone who is loving, someone who is kind, generous, forgiving, sexy, attractive, secure, prosperous whatever it is, and then you write a list of what you don't want. I don't want someone who is selfish, I don't want someone who is egotistical, I don't want someone who is so into the sport that they don't have time for a relationship, I don't...what ever it is; and you use that second list then said alright, if I don't want someone that is completely consumed with hunting, what it is that I do want? And then you write it on the other list, which is the list of you do want. So, then you might say well, I really want someone who can have a healthy hobby but still has a healthy reasonable amount of time to nurture a relationship and who can have time to get into me. So, when you have this list of what you want, it's an incredible way to use that list to write a profile, a profile of who you are as well as who you are in a relationship and what you want.

Wow! That is so neat. It's so exciting and I think people don't know what a great tool it is to be able to use online dating list from home and get a love life started.

Oh! Absolutely, you can use online dating and the law of attraction, you've got the opportunity to use this trim tab to where you're accessing so many more potential mates in this phenomenal sea of online dating and with the law of the attraction, you get to go on a couple of dates and go, "Oh! Isn't this interesting?" This gentleman didn't take up the tab and if it happens to be someone who said "I want someone who treats me, who had an old fashion way of relationship" and this person didn't, they get to go "Oh! On my next date, I want to feel cared for, I want to feel cherished, I want to feel like they are incredibly generous with their mate and then the next one, and the next one, you kind of get to go back to your list of what you want and find (inaudible) and as you do that you will actually inspire those who begin asking you out to be much more alignment with this refined list until eventually you have your masterpiece.

That is really great. It so wonderful to talk with you. I loved talking about law of attractions and the way you've explained everything makes it easy for us to use it...

Excellent.

When we're trying to attract the mate. Thank you so much. (Inaudible). We've been talking with Anisa Aven. She is from Create a Vision.com and this is Dr Leticia Wright for IDCdating.com creating multicultural relationships everyday.

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